


When I Dream I'm Alone With You

by Groovyviewbie



Series: I Feel Like I Win When I Lose [5]
Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: ABBA inspired, Author is terrible at fluff but she tries, Brief mentions of panic attacks, Documentary fix it fic, M/M, Only Jared isn't a stalker in this version, Richard's family make a brief appearance, Songfic, world tour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:08:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27014044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Groovyviewbie/pseuds/Groovyviewbie
Summary: With no job prospects and nobody relying on him, maybe a vacation was something he needed. He didn’t even necessarily have to spy on Richard, just be vigilant. If he happened to bump into him along the way, he would be completing his duty to Katie, and if not, he couldn’t exactly be blamed. Richard had been avoiding his calls as much as he had been avoiding his family. Jared was good at reading Richard but he never claimed to be fluent.Or: The boys are back together, this time in Europe!
Relationships: Jared Dunn/Richard Hendricks
Series: I Feel Like I Win When I Lose [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1924216
Kudos: 10





	When I Dream I'm Alone With You

**Author's Note:**

> As always Pobody's Nerfect and this is unbeta'd. Based (very loosely) on the song Take a Chance on Me by ABBA!

Following Richard to Zurich had been a favour to Katie. The younger Hendricks sibling had called him early one morning, worried that Richard hadn’t checked in since leaving for Glasgow a month prior. From what Jared could gather, constant contact was a caveat the family had insisted upon when Richard left for Europe, one Richard instantly bailed on once touching down. Clearly what Richard was going through hadn’t been fixed with a visit to Tulsa.

Jared had tried to explain to Katie that he wouldn’t be of much help, that he had heard more from her and Elaine than Richard in the past few months, but the one trait she shared with her brother was her stubbornness. Well her stubbornness and those striking Hendricks curls. Elaine had been the final straw. She’d been fretting over her son, especially when some gossip rag had snapped a photo of him mid panic attack on the streets of Paris. Richard was in turmoil and it was up to old reliable Jared to help.

With no job prospects and nobody relying on him, maybe a vacation was something he needed. He didn’t even necessarily have to spy on Richard, just be vigilant. If he happened to bump into him along the way, he would be completing his duty to Katie, and if not, he couldn’t exactly be blamed. Richard had been avoiding his calls as much as he had been avoiding his family. Jared was good at reading Richard but he never claimed to be fluent.

Which is how he found himself on Lake Zurich, his binoculars around his neck as he wrote in his birdwatching book about a particularly majestic swan he’d spotted. It was the perfect plan really. Enjoy a quick vacation, fail to find Richard, then give a grovelling apology to the Hendricks family for failing to find their son. Yet he still found himself checking over his shoulder, hoping that fate would be on his side in a city of 400,000. Until then, Jared enjoyed the sights Zurich had to offer, ignoring the voice inside of him that told him he was being selfish.

Fate caught up with them eventually. Jared was looking for somewhere for lunch when he spotted Richard through the window of a bakery. His features were scrunched in that familiar pained expression he wore whenever he had to make a difficult choice. It was the look that was always followed by vomiting. The urge to rush inside and eliminate that worry overcame Jared, but he resisted, choosing instead to keep his distance. It was of little surprise when Richard ran off towards the bathroom instead of ordering. The decision making, partnered with the unfamiliar setting and language barrier was clearly getting the better of his anxiety. Frankly Jared was impressed he’d made it this far alone.

Knowing he didn’t have long, Jared made his way inside, considering the vast options quickly. He was unfamiliar with the culinary delights Switzerland had to offer yet he knew he had to order and leave before Richard gathered himself, leaving him with precious little time. A small pastry stood out to him, the green icing striking, and the promise of a chocolate centre a delightful surprise he knew Richard would appreciate. If the colour happened to remind him of a certain failed business prospect and the employees he’d left behind, well that would just be the green icing on top of the delicious pastry.

“I would like to order one of those for the gentleman in the bathroom please. Tell him his mother is worried and he should call.” Jared spoke the words into the translator app on his phone, handing over the money and waiting just long enough for confirmation that his message had been received. He left swiftly, the small bell above the door ringing to signify his exit. Even though he didn’t look back, he was sure he heard the bell again moments later, Richard’s confused voice calling out a _Thank you_ after him.

Following him on to Amsterdam definitely hadn’t been part of the plan. He had reported the incident in the bakery to Elaine. He wished he had more to tell her, but Richard seemed to allude him in the few days he’d remained in Zurich. Not that it mattered. Elaine was reassured and had received a message that morning from her son. It was time for him to return home, let Richard enjoy the rest of his trip without the fear of being followed.

Only, he realised that since he was in Europe anyway, it was the perfect chance to catch up with some old friends from his time studying abroad. If Richard happened to be in the city too it would be nothing more than a happy coincidence. He was, after all, his own man, able to travel if he wished. It couldn’t even truly be classed as following. Jared had no idea that Amsterdam was Richard’s next stop. It was serendipity that they had the same travel plans.

It had been years since he found himself in Amsterdam, unsure what to do with himself between catching up with his old friends. While the city had changed, the sights remained relatively the same. Within a day he had already explored most of the sights he’d consumed in his youth. He had always liked to find unusual museums whenever he travelled with Hooli, wanting to give a little love to the places that usually went unnoticed. He hadn’t exactly had a chance to explore the city when he’d last been there, too focused on business to find time for fun.

So he rented a bike, cycling around until he found a quaint little museum of automatic pianos, intrigued enough to slip inside. He took a quick look around before stopping to exchange words with the owner. The way he spoke about the machines was fascinating and engaging in a way that couldn’t help but be appreciated. Jared was so caught up in the conversation, that it came as a shock when someone knocked him from behind. He turned, ready to apologise, when he was met with Richard Hendricks staring up at him in shock.

“Richard?” Jared was pleasantly surprised, an easy smile finding its way on his features. One that he found wasn’t reciprocated. It had been months since they’d last spoken, yet now the words eluded him. A deafening silence fell between them, leaving only the lilting piano music between them.

“What uh- what are you doing here Jared?” Richard’s words were directed to the floor, his eyes downcast. It was surreal, to have cornered him, to have proof that Jared had been one step behind him this whole trip. All he’d wanted to do was see some mechanical instruments, revel in machinery that made art and instead he had Jared, forcing him to confront the life he’d left behind.

“Well I found myself in the city and I enjoy finding hidden spots.” Jared had the most earnest look on his face as he awaited Richard’s reaction. The frustrated sigh that followed told him all he needed to know. Richard was unhappy with his presence here, just as he feared he would be. “Oh you meant here in Amsterdam? Well, to be candid, your mother was worried about you. I went to Zurich to check on you. Then I thought since I was here anyway, I might as well visit some old friends.”

“You’re spying on me? Jesus Jared really? I’m fine. I know there was the whole thing in Paris.” Richard spoke with his hands, not wanting to work himself into a frenzy but finding himself on the edge regardless. “I’m fine so you can hop back on a plane and tell Katie to stop sticking her nose into my business.”

“I’m not here to spy on you Richard. I really do have friends here I decided to visit. I had no idea you’d be here.” Jared reached out for Richard’s arm, wanting to reassure him. It wasn’t unsurprising when Richard flinched away, even if did sting. Their relationship was a cyclical. They would find a nice balance until one of them flew off the handle and then it was back to square one, Richard too stubborn to take a chance on Jared and Jared unable to let go of Richard.

“Oh sure Jared just like you didn’t know I’d be in Glasgow at the bar with the apple martini, or when you clearly kept sending me croissants in Paris. You’ve been following me this whole time and it’s weird Jared! It’s like, like at tech crunch with Sherrie. You’re obsessed with me.” Richard spoke through his teeth, moderating his volume so they didn’t draw any unwanted attention. He’d

Richard’s outburst took Jared by surprise, especially given that he didn’t understand what he was talking about. While buying Richard croissants in Paris very much sounded like something he would do, he had only followed him to Zurrich, and only then as a favour to Richard’s family. A sinking feeling flashed through him as he pieced it together. Throughout his travels, Richard had felt stifled by him, haunted by the mere idea of his presence every step of the way. Even when he wasn’t around, wasn’t even trying, he was a burden to those he loved.

“Richard, I promise you, I was only in Zurich. I bought you a pastry but only because you seemed to be having difficulty choosing. I can only apologise if that instance was troubling for you. If it will make you feel more comfortable, I can leave. I was planning on returning home in a few days anyway.” Jared pleaded with Richard, his tone even but the familiar sight of tears in his eyes. A trick he’d learnt from a young age, never let them hear the weakness Donald.

“You know what, no it’s fine.” Richard ran a hand over the back of his neck, finally looking up to meet Jared’s eyes. There he really was, standing in front of him, in an automatic piano museum in Amsterdam of all places. Seeing the tears in his eyes melted away the remaing frustration Richard felt, leaving only regret at his snap judgement. He had said time and time again that he’d follow Richard to the ends of the Earth, only Richard was certain that didn’t apply without Pied Piper. They’d left things on an awkward note back at the hostel and yet Jared was there, dropping everything for Richard Hendricks yet again. Loyal to a fault. Maybe now was the time to finally return that loyalty.

“I should leave.” Jared was prepared to leave but couldn’t actually find it in him to walk away. He was close to having Richard back in his life, had him stood in front of him for the first time in months. What did he have to lose anyway? They had already drifted apart, surely there was no way of making that damage worse. “Richard, I don’t think I should leave. I think it will be beneficial for the both of us if we continue this trip together. I believe you would be far less anxious with a travel companion. I am happy to be that companion; all you have to do is ask.”

Richard couldn’t tear his eyes away, mulling the request over for a moment. His anger no longer made sense to him, the prospect of relieved anxieties taking priority. When Jared got that kicked puppy look and began to walk away, Richard realised he had been thinking it over a little too long. “Hey Jared, wait! I’m heading to Berlin tomorrow. I could use someone who can speak German.”

Just like that, the boys were back together, enjoying the sights of Europe side by side. It was exhilarating, sharing these places together. They ate pizza in front of the leaning tower of Pisa, hiked together in Oslo and looked out over the bustling city from the London Eye. Jared found Richard hadn’t planned much of his trip. Preferring instead to hop from city to city, extending his stay in the places he liked, moving on from the cities that didn’t speak to him.

Most importantly, they talked. More than they ever had before. Jared mostly focused on his future while Richard dwelled on his past. They talked over coffee, over dinner, on long walks around whatever city they found themselves in. Pied Piper was still a sore subject. Jared knew better than to bring it up, only ever discussing it when Richard broached the subject. Richard returned the kindness, never pushing Jared further on particularly tough stories from his childhood. No longer did Jared feel like a nuisance, lurking from the shadows. They were a team again, taking on the world together.

In London, Jared surprised Richard with tickets for the Eurostar, wanting Richard to give Paris a second chance. Richard was hesitant, having moved on quickly from the crowded Parisian streets after the panic attack incident, but the hope in Jared’s eyes had been too much to pass on. Unsurprisingly, Jared was right to love Paris. When Richard had visited at the start of his trip, the bustling atmosphere had only served to increase his anxiety. Seeing the city through Jared’s eyes made that same bustle seem exciting, like a comfort blanket they could hide beneath.

Despite his penchant for the macabre, Jared had a way of seeing the beauty in the things around him. Where Richard saw a rickety old bridge filled with the false promise of everlasting love, Jared saw the wonderful, if fleeting, moments of joy and promise. The snapshots of love on display for everyone to witness. Richard couldn’t help but be swept up into Jared’s love for the city, and by extension be swept into the enigma that was Jared Dunn.

They shared their first kiss one night in Paris. Urged on by a giddy evening of wine tasting and the romantic ambiance of the rain falling around them, the iconic windmill of the Moulin Rouge serving as a backdrop to their evening.

Jared surprised himself by taking Richard’s hand in his own as they walked. It was like their hands were made to fit together, the last two pieces in the strange puzzle that was their lives. He was even more surprised when Richard didn’t flinch away from his touch. With lowered inhibitions, Jared found himself humming to himself. A love medley from a musical he’d watched one too many times. 

It was the pull from their entwined hands that stopped Jared in his tracks, pulling him back to Richard who had stopped in the middle of the street. Richard’s carefree merriment had vanished, replaced with skittish eyes, flicking back and forth between Jared’s eyes and their conjoined hands. Even if the alcohol running through their veins had lowered their inhibitions, Richard had clearly been struck by his usual overthinking, worrying over what the hand holding meant.

“What uh- like are you holding my hand because we’re drunk and we need balance or…” Richard couldn’t bring himself to finish the thought, unconsciously stepping closer when he felt Jared about to pull away. Their hands fuelled his anxiety, but he also couldn’t let go, couldn’t handle Jared admitting it was just another way to take care of him and nothing more.

“Richard, I think you know why I’m holding your hand. I’ve told you before that I love you and I’ve always meant it.” Jared was close, his voice barely above a whisper. For once, Richard didn’t glaze over at the words, locking eyes with Jared. Something about his inebriated confidence resonated with Richard and he couldn’t look away, clung to his every word. “We can do this together. Be the team I always thought we were.”

Richard couldn’t find the words, couldn’t come up with any logical reason not to kiss Jared in the middle of the rain, on the streets of Paris. Instead of working himself into a frenzy, Richard just let himself live in the moment, knowing he could worry through the consequences later. He leaned up as Jared took a step closer, his eyes closing as he felt their lips touch.

It wasn’t like the rom-coms Jared loved so much. Kissing in the rain was cold, wet and not at all pleasant. Kissing Jared however was the complete opposite. It felt warm, like the comforting blanket his mother would drape over him whenever he crashed after a night of gaming. It was familiar. The world around them no longer mattered because their future belonged in the other’s hands and that somehow wasn’t a scary thought.

They parted quicker than Jared would have liked but logically he knew they should get out of the rain. As much as Julia Roberts movies had led him to believe the rain was optimal for romantic moments, it was also rather impractical. They held hands the entire way back to the hotel, leaning on each other, both for balance and because the idea of being further apart was insufferable. Jared listened intently to Richard’s drunken tirade about the lack of cabs in the city at two am on a Thursday night and how dare Paris make him have this moment tainted by the stupid rain and having to walk. Jared found despite himself, he couldn’t stop smiling.

At Richard’s door, Jared lingered, unable to pry his hand away. He stole one last moment, one last kiss goodnight. Drunken regret was not something Jared wanted to think about, but he couldn’t help but be aware of the taste of wine on his tongue. Reluctantly, he pulled away, giving Richard’s hand one last squeeze before returning to his own room. He snuck one last look down the corridor, watching as Richard stumbled into his room, a rare carefree look in his eyes. If this moment was all he had, he would savour it completely.

Jared barely slept that night, forcing himself out of bed just after seven. Once again, he found himself at Richard’s door, coffee in hand to help Richard with the hangover he undoubtedly had. The kiss remained clear in his mind against the swirl of the other memories from the night before, worry setting in as he let himself into the room. Instantly he found himself rushing to the bathroom at the sound of Richard’s vomiting. It was clear to him that Richard was in a worse state than him the night before. If Jared’s memories were a swirl, he had no doubt that Richard’s were a darkened void.

They didn’t talk about the night before, both prepared to live in the blissful oblivion that the other had forgotten about the impassioned moment between them. Neither aware that they both remembered despite the blurry haze of the rest of the evening. Nothing had to change for them, Jared could continue to love Richard and Richard could continue to repress. Their relationship was cyclical in nature, but Jared never seemed to be braced for the rough times ahead. They made plans to move on to Madrid the next day, leaving the magic of the Parisian streets behind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks again to all the lovely people reading this collection and sticking with my irregular upload schedule. I am prioritising none fan fiction writing at the minute (due to deadlines and a motivational coworker who knows who he is and is definitely going to see this) but I will try to get the next instalment out as soon as possible. I am determined to finish this collection. Thanks again for reading!


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